Agony of Defeat. Or is it Da Feet?

Home at last. Ahhhhhhhh.........I wish it were that simple. For now I'm just going to enjoy the quiet moments.

In the midst of all the hang ups with our case and my injured foot I was lucky enough to be part of the Ash Cloud delays. My flight on Sunday was canceled so I unpacked and bunkered in for a few more days. Yesterday at 11:00 a.m. I arrived in Detroit and at last had my arms around Nolan. I can't even begin to tell you how that felt. 52 days without seeing my son was pure torture. Amidst my excitement I was uncontrolably sad because in order to rejoice with Nolan I had to leave my beautiful daughter in Africa. I can't wait until my family is all in the same country under one roof!

The worst feeling about coming home was that I felt defeated. I spent tireless days and hours fighting for Abigail and in the end I have to go home without her. But then again this whole process has been about releasing my control and again I am brought to my knees and humbled. I find myself staring at the walls and wondering what God's plan for me is. How is he going to use this experience for my growth? I think leaving a child is possibly the hardest thing a mother could do.  I feel like no matter what country I'm in I'm rejoicing with one child and yet grieving for the other. I do believe that one must endure suffering in order to grow so I will keep my eyes on His plan for me.

I walked into my home to find my amazing dogs jumping for joy and my beautiful home. My home felt like a castle.  I will never again take for granted the things that I have been blessed with. I will never again seek more material things that are not needed and I will never again speak that I want more. I have taken 3 showers since yesterday just because having water pressure and hot water is so so nice!! A washing machine! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? (That ones for you Melissa).  No more hand washing is going to be so great!

Through it all Abigail has been amazing. On Wednesday prior to leaving I received the long awaited guardianship of Abigail. She is officially ours! She is so patient and talks of coming to America to see Nolan all of the time. At this time we are still waiting for things to be resolved to bring her home. As I feel very frustrated with that I know that God can do the most awesome things. I know if are called to wait longer then there is purpose behind it and I'm reassured because I know it's His plan and not my own.

The awesome news yesterday is that I don't need surgery. Now I understand why I had to come home in that regard. They were prepared to do surgery in Uganda when in reality I'm having physical therapy 3 times a week for recovery. I was told it would be 6 weeks before I would begin to feel relief. Although that seems long I'm so grateful for no surgery!

I wish I could tell everyone details of my experience I just don't even know where to begin! I'm sure as the months pass the stories will be retold. It's just now when someone says "How was it?" it's hard to know where to start. Because of the sensitivity of the governments I fear I would offended someone unintentionally therefore I cannot discuss our case in public posts.

So tonight I am going to baseball! YEAH! It just feels so wonderful to have "normal" things again. And although my arms ache for my beautiful Abigail I know that Jason will be going soon to be with her. What an amazing day that will be for her to come home. Although this is so emotionally devastating for my family I know that she will be here time and I know He has amazing plans for her. She is so strong.

I can't thank everyone enough for the countless emails of support and prayers. If you could continue to keep our family in our prayers I would greatly appreciate that. We are so close and I believe that God will seek favor on our Abigail and bring her home safely.

Be blessed.
Heather